You can call them many things — louts, brutes, vulgarians. But Rafael Rivera prefers the term “Neanderthals” for these lowbrow non-conformists. “In contrast to modern gentleman’s etiquette rules,” he writes in the Introduction to his slim book Men Can Be Neanderthals, “the non-conformist is not governed by Emily Post’s etiquette rules and protocols. He is, however, governed by what comes natural.“
You know the type. And so does Rivera, who presents the reader with 64 light-hearted pages of observations that define Neanderthals, looking at their social skills, their pastimes, even their toilet habits. Some of Rivera’s thoughts are on the pedestrian side. But others will bring a smile:
- “A Neanderthal always licks his
knife.” - “A Neanderthal that is parked
in two parking spaces will still
manage to ding your car door.” - “A Neanderthal’s idea of an equal mate
is a female who consumes the same
amount or more cans of beer than he
does.” - “A Neanderthal wears a rodeo
belt buckle with a business suit.” - “A Neanderthal will tell his children
that they are not college material.” - “While sitting on his throne, a
Neanderthal will have the most
prolific thoughts. These thoughts are
then scribed [sic] on the walls in
the form of graffiti.”
Many of Rivera’s other musings may be open to debate. Is a man really a Neanderthal if he argues with a telemarketer? Or plays golf in the snow? Or eats his lunch while driving? These seem more of a stretch, used to fill out the pages.
However, while the book isn’t laugh-out-loud funny, it offers some amusing moments and would make a good gift for the Neanderthal in your life. Or you may want to add it to your bookshelf (somewhere near that long-forgotten Post volume?) and begin embracing your own inner Neanderthal.
