“The home is not one person’s private responsibility. It is a shared life,” writes Nigerian-born author Patricia Obehi Pius Ukeyima, in this guide to gender politics in the Nigerian household.

Ukeyima, a lawyer with a background in public service, has researched this subject in depth and provides a nuanced understanding of the problem as well as a focused, multi-step plan to help couples narrow the gap.

The author cites a recent survey conducted in Lagos and three other Nigerian cities that found that women over age 15 devote five hours daily to domestic chores, whereas men average one hour; this doesn’t include time spent on planning, making decisions, and other “cognitive household labour.”

According to Ukeyima, one cause of the imbalance is that many believe gender roles learned in childhood are written in stone, though, in fact, these roles are continually being shaped and re-shaped by society. She asks readers to reflect on the gender roles they “inherited” from parents and grandparents. With almost every chapter, Ukeyima provides worksheet questions, such as: Who did the housework when you were growing up?; were the men in the household “praised, mocked, or ignored” when they chipped in?; what rules were in place to make the household successful? A key step to closing the gap is for both partners to identify which roles to keep, which to break, and which to modify.

Throughout, the author uses fascinating anecdotes of Nigerian family life showing Nigerian men facing ridicule for doing work coded “as feminine” and Nigerian women believing “God requires” them to serve their in-laws. The cultural obstacles to fairness quickly become obvious. By contrast, Ukeyima’s broader discussions can be dense and challenging to read. (“The selective lens emphasises [sic] one role while mercy, justice, kindness, mutual honour and shared care recede. Each faith community holds its own texts, histories and debates…”)

Overall, though, this is a well-researched, practical offering for couples wanting to balance their to-do lists.

Also available in paperback and ebook.