In his memoir Deliverance Through the Window of My Mind, author Brian E. Dixon tells his story of redemption from addiction to recovery.

Dixon recalls a mostly happy and love-filled childhood in Kansas City, Missouri— a grounding that helps him later as he claws his way back from despair.

After leaving the military in 1999 at age 39 he feels aimless and lost. He spirals into an addiction to crack cocaine. While he finds temporary comfort in the numbness the drug brings, he’s also dimly aware of its toll: “I found myself outside my house, dressed in a three-piece suit of shame, guilt and embarrassment,” he writes.

Dixon is a metaphoric writer who understands the power of imagery, although at times he overwrites. The grim reality of his life as an addict needs no embellishment, and he’s at his strongest when he lets the story tell itself.

At one point, he’s trapped in a drug dealer’s house, hiding in a closet under a pile of clothes, awaiting what he assumes is certain death from intruders. He sees his improbable escape as a sign that he must reverse a doomed trajectory. Recovery from entrenched addiction is typically long and hard, rarely coming in a straight line. Dixon writes about his faith that better things await as he manifests a better life. But he also realizes that it is all on him: “There is no boat coming, there is no search party in the air,” he writes.

While Dixon’s story is admirable, it leaves many unanswered questions: How did his addiction start? Exactly what happened with his relationship to his children? But mostly, the memoir suffers from a lack of detail about what surely must have been a grueling recovery process.

Dixon’s writing feels more like journaling, which he says is key to his self-awareness. There is value in his story as written, but one hopes with time and perspective he will write a fuller version of his journey.

Also available as an ebook.